Tough time...

I know that it seems like all I do is blubber but I gotta get stuff out. Had a hard day yesterday between missing my family and stupid medical bills that NEVER disappear. I keep waiting for this sick gut of mine to go away but it never does. It seems like all a good day does is numb it for a bit but there is still the reality of a trial that comes back and bites me in the butt. I am grateful though that even through this pain I feel closer to the spirit than I did before this hard time started. I am a better person because of it and I will continue to get stronger. My cousin said something incredible to me last night. She said that we should consider trials a personal compliment from the Lord because he will never give us more than we can handle. I know now that the world could crumble and if He felt the need for me to live through it, he would provide a way for me to endure anything. Times will not get easier, but I am not going to quit breathing, or quit trying to feel better. The second I give up is the same second that adversary has beaten me. How sad that would be for someone whose role in my eternity is only temporary, and who will ultimately be miserable no matter how bad I fall apart, to win. He won't. I will. Oh, I know that I am a total dork, and I don't need to hear anything else from anyone, but Oak slept in her own bed for a majority of the night last night. It was nice until I got cold so I went and crawled in bed with her. haha It is not her that can't let go, it's me. Maybe tonight I will be strong enough to go all night with her in her own bed. She is my warmth, and I will soak up whatever helps me to feel better right now.

My wonderful girl day...

So I went out with Oak today to every clothing store in Vernal (looking for something specific is a pain) and I just gotta tell ya I had a BLAST with my little gal! You guys, she is seriously the biggest sweet heart I have ever seen, or met, or heard, blah blah blah, SHE IS PERFECT. I am so in love with my baby girl and I cannot believe that the loud chaotic mess that I call myself took part in making her. She is so her father in her looks but it is hilarious to see a mini me walking, talking, acting like the DIVA she is. I love her and feel so blessed to call her mine. I only hope the second one is as perfect as she is. ha ha I make nothing except perfection. ha ha Oh I also felt the little bugger swimming around for the first time last night. Even though I have done this once before, the second time is just as precious, just as sweet, and just as remarkable as the first time. I bawled!!! (surprise surprise :))

Three incredible men and my little lady...

I know....every picture I post is very outdated but I need a camera (hmmmm Santa!) Anyhoo, So I am changing Oak's diaper this morning and she keeps pointing up and saying "Grandpa" I was like great, we have another clairvoyant on our hands haha She did it a few times. I followed her chubby little fingers and she was pointing at a picture of President Monson and calling him grandpa. I said "Yeah he probably is a grandpa." She giggled then pointed to the picture next to it and said "Shesees"(Jesus) and one more picture, daddy. So then all together she said "Grandpa, Shesees, Daddy." I couldn't stop laughing. She is so cute and I am so grateful she recognizes three incredible men, even though one of them isn't really grandpa. Just so you know, she is weird. She came with the gospel already ingrained in her. From the time I started carrying her, my experience with this little lady have been astounding, unexplainable, and just plain not of this world. She prays by herself and is constantly asking us over and over if we would like to pray, "Mom wa pray?" She loves singing hymns and primary songs with me. She also loves FINALLY going to nursery. So loving the reality that my kid is so dang perfect. She really is my best friend born at a different time, and I know that our spirits are one in each other. Love my little bug.

Word to the y's...

Just a little advice....follow the directions that the Cream of Wheat box gives you about adding salt. When it says 1/2 t don't just poor the salt in thinking you are good enough to guess. Unless you are Martha or Rachael Ray, DON'T DO IT. By following directions you will be likely to avoid a bitter beer face from an adorable two year old followed by a "Gross Mommy." After coaxing her to take another bite accompanied by another face, you try it your self and truly realize that just because she is two she most definitely is not stupid.

Can't Wait!!!!

This is my FAVORITE time of year. I am loving the pumpkins, scarecrows, and corn husks that are starting to decorate the homes around me. I love the cool, crisp air that bites at my nose as I go out to the garbage to throw Oak's morning stink away. I love the the changing colors. I love all the time that is spent with family this time of year. For conference weekend we are going to Provo to spend the weekend with Aaron's family. I love being able to listen to the words of a true and living prophet. I love being able to live at such an exciting time in history. To watch the words of the scriptures unfold before our eyes. Though there is so much sadness and destruction going on, I take complete comfort in knowing that it will be that much sooner that my Savior will be here. I look forward to that great and marvelous day. We also get to take some Brady family pictures up Provo canyon. I did post the picture of the falls but the pictures will not actually be taken at Bridalveil Falls but directly across from it in a meadow where the trees are gorgeous shades of red, orange, and yellow. For these pictures all of the sisters are brunettes which is kinda fun cuz we match. I feel so sexy as a brunette. haha I also can't wait to go with my mother in law and sisters and the wee ones up to Gardner's Village. Every year they do this giant Halloween, witch set up. You can dress up and they have a little costume parade, the shops are ADORABLE, the food isn't to shabby(nothing is too shabby if you are pregnant."Give it to me I'm starving!" haha) Anyhoo, it is a crazy good time and I am so excited. I love family, cold weather, and good times, oh and hamburgers, yum!!!

Reality check....

I have heard several times when in doubt, try him. With much anger and hesitation, I did. I had several medical bills that needed to be paid, but even with these rocks in my shoe there was still the reality that I needed to pay tithing first. Going through my recent rough patch, I wanted to see if paying my tithing instead of my bills would truly make a difference in my happiness. My friends, IT DID!!! The medical bills can wait but being faithful to the Lord even when I was throwing my hands up in the air and screaming really was so much more important. We have been blessed with more than enough. Sweet, wonderful, giving friends who have shared their "extra" with us. And family, who, no matter how bad things get, will love you unconditionally. So through this trial and a much needed slap in the back of the head, I have come back to my roots. 1. My husband and my sweet little sassafrass are my two most favorite people in the world. 2. I need to get my butt back in gear and get to the temple and give back. 3. The Lord is always their and if you exercise even the tiniest bit of faith, he blesses you 10 fold, or more than that, however much that may be. I am overwhelmed with my little blessings that keep popping up everywhere. There is a quote that I heard in my in-laws ward when I was first married, "I am constantly driven to my knees by the overwhelming conviction I have no where else to go." That rings true for me. I had no where else to go except down on my knees and because of that one tiny act of FAITH I am on cloud 9. I love this gospel and my family more than words can express. It is real. It is true! Try it.

I am still breathing....

So life lately has thrown us for a HUGE loop. The one thing I always swore was the one thing that would be able to break me, my faith, my sanity, my heart, has happened. Amazing I am still breathing. It has been a REALLY long time since any serious trials have been thrown my way. My liver running amuck with a mind of it's own always sits on the back burner. There are the financial difficulties that constantly loom with this economy. Just fear that everything I know and love could in the blink of an cease to exist. These, for me, have always been just a pin prick compared to how broken I thought I would be if I lost the one thing that would make me question my FAITH and my BELIEF in my Father's plan for me. It has happened and though "WHY!!!!!!" has kept pounding in my head, and night after night I have gone with out sleep, and knot after knot keeps forming in my stomach, I am still alive and I have to let you know the only thing that has kept me hanging on is a quiet prayer, or thought of my heart, love from a husband and child, and the soft arms that have silently enveloped me(only when I am still enough to recognize their presence) have kept me alive. Kept me able to survive the crumbling or at least what felt like the crumbling of my world. I can say with full conviction of heart, Satan, World, Whatever adversary lies out there, BRING IT ON!!!! I am not broken, I am still breathing, and it is only by sweet never ending grace that I can say My Father lives. My Savior lives. I live and I am happy,